Were you spanked as a young child by your parents as a way to discipline you? Did it reform your behavior? Did it make you a better person or did it bring about feelings of resentment and anger?
These days, there remains a great divide among parents on whether parents should spank their kids. Here in the U.S. for example, even though spanking has become less popular over time, most polls still show parents favor and approve of spanking their children.
“Sixty-five percent of Americans approve of spanking children, a rate that has been steady since 1990 … Among parents with minor children at home, 50 percent report that they sometimes spank their child, while 45 percent do not.”
I happen to have grown-up in an age where spanking a child was okay. Yup, I was spanked and I hated it. I swore that my child would never have to go through such an unfortunate experience. Now in her teens, she has turned out to be a loving, well-behaved, responsible, and happy kid — a product of a no spanking household policy.
“Harsh physical punishment was associated with increased odds of mood disorders, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug abuse/dependence, and several personality disorders in 2% to 7% of those observed.”
Lina Acosta Sandaal, an expert in child and adolescent development and infant and early childhood mental health, has this to say about spanking:
“The statistics and multiple negative outcomes of children that are disciplined with corporal punishment are well known to those who work with children. Children’s Trends, a research group, found that corporal punishment increases negative outcomes in adolescence like low academic achievement, alcohol and drug use, and antisocial behavior. They also found that the older the age of the child, the greater the negative outcomes.” Source: GoodMenProject.com
With that, check out the list of 8 vital reasons why you should not spank your child.
8. It is too easy for a frustrated parent to cross the line from spanking to abusing.
Unfortunately, by the time the smoke clears, many parents have crossed the line from spanking to hitting, shaking, slapping and other forms of child abuse. Source: ActiveParenting.com
This is the reason why parents who advocate spanking suggest to NEVER spank your child when you are angry. Some parents suggest to calm down first and not spank when your emotions are high.
Of course, when you have calmed down, you probably have by then thought of a better approach to handle the situation than spanking.
We all want our child to build self-confidence. However, Spanking goes counter to helping your child build self-confidence.
7. Spanking makes a child feel helpless and damages self-esteem.
It’s hard to feel like you have any control when you are told that if you don’t stop crying, you will be hit again. It makes a child ask, “What is wrong with me?” It’s hard to feel loved or have any self-worth when even your cries for help are demeaned by the person who is supposed to unconditionally love and protect you. It’s a betrayal. Source: SheKnows.com
When kids get very emotional, crying is their way of dealing with hurt and pain. Sometimes it takes time for a crying child (especially toddlers) to really calm down. However, some parents really go overboard with spanking, thinking that the threat of more spanking can stop all the crying.
Again, it is best for parents to calm down and try to work out the issue without further spanking.
Young children tend to model after their parents’ way of doing things.
Any aggressive behavior by a parent on a child might be misunderstood by a child as something that is okay to do to others.
6. Spanking teaches aggressive behavior.
Kids who are spanked learn to handle some problems by hitting or threatening to hit. Others find that their parents are too big to get even with, so they take it out on other kids. Source: ActiveParenting.com
“We have to teach children that violence is only OK as a measure of restrained self-defense and never a way to “punish” others for misbehavior.”
By doing so, young children will learn to understand that it is not okay to hit others to resolve conflicts.
Sure, spanking might solve the issue with the child at that particular time. However, a child’s feelings of resentment may lead to more misbehaving just to spite a parent to get even.
5. Spanking usually leads to more misbehavior.
The problem with spanking is that it does work … for the immediate misbehavior. Kids will “stop it this instant!” However, they also resent the spanking and seek out conscious or unconscious ways to get even. Source: ActiveParenting.com
A study featured on Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that:
“… children who acted out more often got spankings that led to more acting out and, in turn, resulted in more spankings.”
In fact, researchers of the study discovered even stronger evidence that spanking children before the age 1 year may be a “catalyst that starts the cycle.”
Building a close and loving relationship with our child is something we strive for.
Did you know that hitting a child does not help build a stronger relationship between you and your child?
4. Spanking can damage your relationship with your child.
Spanking puts an emotional wedge between parent and child. Children depend on their parents to care for them. They trust them and their authority. Authority based on fear makes children lose respect for parents. It is hard to respect someone that hurts you. Source: FamiliesOnTheGo.com
According to Dr. Michael Popkin, author of the best-selling parenting book Active Parenting:
“When you spank often, you create a climate of hurt and revenge that undermines much of the good in the relationship. You may be able to overcome this, but why take the chance when there are better methods available?”
Some parents have felt this emotion after giving their kids some spanking. In fact, parents have felt some guilt that they may have gone overboard with their disciplinary action.
3. Spanking often leaves the parent feeling guilty.
Most parents are aware that spanking is now a controversial parenting method. Even the American Academy of Pediatrics has come out against spanking. But even before this, many parents could sense that something was not right about hurting a child “for his own good,” and feel guilty afterwards. Source: ActiveParenting.com
Any parent who loves their child dearly is bound to also feel the hurt and guilt after spanking their child. As parents, we need to have confidence in our parenting methods.
If your approach to resolving an issue with your child brings about feelings of guilt, then you might like to look into better approaches of discipline or resolving issues that you will have more confidence in.
Frequent spanking has been found to cause this potentially troublesome long-term effect
It has been found that there is a direct correlation between mental illness and high incidences of childhood spanking.
2. Spanking can increase the likelihood of developing mental health symptoms.
According to this study, links have been found from later mental health diagnoses to higher incidents of childhood spanking for disciplinary purposes. I am willing to bet that when spanking your child, your intention wasn’t to create long-term psychological problems. Source: PsychCentral.com
Michele Knox, a psychiatrist who studies family and youth violence at the University of Toledo College of Medicine agrees with those findings.
Dr. Knox says:
“Spanking and other forms of corporal punishment have a huge variety of negative outcomes, and almost no positive outcomes. Those negative outcomes include aggressive behavior and delinquency in kids.”
Furthermore, research studies have found that harsh physical punishment in the absence of child maltreatment can also be associated with the following:
mood disorders
anxiety disorders
substance abuse/dependence; and
personality disorders
These research findings surely are worth thinking about as your child’s future may depend on how you instill discipline with them now.
If you think giving your child some whooping is the ultimate answer to misbehaving, think again.
Spanking is not the answer as there are other ways for you to deal with a misbehaving child.
1. There are many more effective methods of discipline.
The bottom line in all of this is that there are better ways to discipline kids in our modern society — methods such as polite requests, “I” messages, firm reminders, logical consequences, active problem-solving … These methods not only solve behavior problems but also help build such qualities of character as responsibility, cooperation, courage, respect and even self-esteem. Source: ActiveParenting.com
According to Dr. Bryan Carter, Ph.D., a pediatric psychologist and professor in the U of L Department of Pediatrics/Bingham Clinic, and director of the Pediatric Consultation Service at Kosair Children’s Hospital:
“While spanking may give the child a signal as to what NOT to do, it fails to teach the important skills of problem solving and decision making, that is, what TO DO.”
The above are just some of the few reasons why I don’t spank my child. I also think that you should not either.
There are much better ways to discipline a child which do not involve any form of physical harm. You can check them out here.
If you by any chance have the urge to spank your child, please pause and give it some serious thought. I’m sure you can do a better job of parenting your child without any form of spanking.
If you agree with this article, please do feel free to pass this along and let other parents know why spanking is not a solution for disciplining a misbehaving child.
What’s your position on spanking? Is this an acceptable form of discipline or not?
I was spanked by my mom a child when i acted out. I respect her for if. I treat everyone with respect and kindness. I dont back talk. I dont act better then others. I dont start figjts5like some have posted. I never hit another child or person in general. I never was affected how this post states. It turned me into the person i am today. I spank my child when he acts out or refuses to mind. I dont abuse the power of spanking nor do i abuse my child. We sit down and i explain to him what he did and he hasnt had any repeats. He doesnt act out in any alternative manner to get even. Nor does he disrespect anyone. He is a sweet loving happy child. I pop Him just enough to get his attention as my parents did me. I was put in time out lost items i enjoyed or got spanked when i acted out. Perfectly fine.
All I got to say is I whip all three of my older boys! I am not gonna deal with disrespect nor am I gonna have a bunch of hellians running and nobody else should have to deal with it either. My children love me just as much as I love them. I got whipped as a child and I now understand why. I don’t do drugs, I don’t party, I have my own home (that i raise my kids in) and to this day I DO NOT disrespect the elderly. And my kids are being raised the same way! My children don’t hardly get in trouble because they are well behaved . And yes we have all kinds of fun and have family days and etc. You can raise your kids how you want. In not judging, but my focus is on raising young boy into well respected, well mannered young men, who go far in life and is successful! My children know they can always come to me and they know that you cant always succeed the first time. In my opionion my children are happy and content in their home and I’m raising them right ☺
I spanked each of my children only once, and once was enough. I had told them what they were doing was wrong and if they did it again, they would be spanked. So they tried to see if I would follow through and I did. After that incident, all I ever said was no do not do that or there would be consequences. Each step comes with I love you, but what you are doing is wrong. Remaining calm and stern without the screaming is a must,
Absolutely consistency builds trust between the child and the parent. Beating a child, absolutely not. A pop on the hand worked for me. A spank on the behind without really hurting them because of the padding they have will still get the message across. Also you are right, don’t spank out of anger but out of love for the future of your child. Again beating or abusive hitting of a child especially around the face is in my opinion terrible. You can also use the time out method, where light spanking might be needed to let them know you will enforce the time out. I believe you that you only had to spank once. Good for you
BS. If my kids have an ounce of my DNA, they’re gonna need a good butt whooping once in a very blue moon. The less kids get spanked,the less discipline they really have. I work at Walmart and I wish I could spank some peoples kids for them. Its necessary sometimes. I love my mom with all my heart. And I agree that that there is a huge difference between spanking and abuse. My momma has whopped me plenty of times, And I appreciate every spanking she’s ever given me. The one thing my mother has NEVER done was abused me. She just raised me the right way.
I give my child a chance to correct her behavior and try to help her correct it. If that doesn’t work, then she does get a spanking. It rarely gets to that point though. My child has better manners than a lot of adults I’ve seen out in public. She says please and thank you and excuse me. I don’t agree with people telling others how they should or should not discipline their children. I also see a lot of comments saying “if you were spanked as a child and think you’re fine, think again”. Who the heck do you think you are telling someone that? You don’t know these people or their parents. Back off.
my parents were married 41 yrs….they raised 3 children that have NEVER been in jail, are NOT drinkers and DON’T do drugs. my brother is a supervisor for a welding shop married for almost 20 yrs, my sister flips houses doing all the work herself and married almost 15 yrs, i am also a supervisor for a major company that spans over 5 states. I personally have never been married but that is my choice…. My brother and sister have both been tested and have ABOVE AVERAGE intelligence. We don’t use our fists to fight our battles, we can all sit down at holidays, weekends or whatever and have conversations with each other. I personally feel that there is a difference in a spanking and all out abuse. I have spanked my children and didn’t think twice….and just so you know here is an example….my daughter and I were walking out of the grocery store. She was about 3. I was holding her hand and carrying a brown bag of groceries. As we come out the door, without any warning she let go of my hand and ran out into the path of the cars. I dropped my bag and went running after her. Yes she got 3 spanks across her backside. I also explained why she got the spanking. AND told her how much I love her!! So YES there is a difference!! Say what ever you want NOBODY is going to tell me how to discipline my children. I WILL NOT BURY MY CHILD. Her actions that day deserved it. And if you knew anything about me…you would know that i am constantly EXPLAINING things to my children about why we do things this way or that way. Asking QUESTIONS to them about why we do something one way or another….i make sure i am very active with them!! So NO them getting a spanking to show discipline i don’t believe will harm them in any way like this article talks about!! I think the mental health issues happen because of more then just a SPANKING !!!
Honestly everyone has there own way of parenting … I personally don’t spank my kids…. But I’m not saying I never have. It’s very rare that I do. Spanking is not a bad thing…. Hitting to hurt…. Is a different story. I don’t agree with the belt or any other objects. I was spanked as a child. I turned out fine. Has anyone noticed the hell this world has become? Back in the day you didn’t have to worry about walking down the street and wonder if some psycho is out there…. Now a days u worry… I think more discipline in the world will show people what’s right and wrong and that there is consequences for there actions. Our world has gone to shit cuz people take things to the extreme. And say spanking is abuse. Spanking on the butt is not abuse leaving a mark or hurting your child intentionally is abuse. There is a line between disciplining and abuse. In some cases it’s not ok.
I spank my children, it is very rare that I have to do this because I try other methods first. That is my last resort, but they are two good children and I get compliments on them from other parents so I must not have done bad. They know the lines, just like as an adult I know my lines of things that are acceptable and things that are not acceptable.
The largest problem with these younger generations is the fact parents try to be friends with their kids and treat them them at the same level they do an adult, that is crap. I see this is our schools, the disrespect they have for teachers and kids telling teachers they will tell their parents if their teacher gives them silent snack or no playtime. That is a huge problem that needs to be solved, a large majority of parents let their kids rule and then we have these issues.
There’s definitely a fine line between spanking and just plain abuse. I was ” spanked” as a child but let’s just call it abuse because that’s truly what it was. Because I was spanked and disciplined that way, I obviously parent different. There are so many things to take into account when you talk is spanking bad or good. Do you say abusive things when you spank, I mean if you are against spanking but verbally abusing your child that’s not any better. Do you give yourself a limit of where u will spank and how intense? Do you spank for everything that is considered not behaving ? The list goes on. Do I spank ? Yes. Do I always spank no. Where will I spank my children? Only on their bottoms. I prefer the time out method more than anything else because it’s very effective when done correctly and consistently. But there a definitely times where I will spank depending on the situation. But you know what I found? When I ask my children would you rather me spank your bottom or go in time out to think about what you’ve done? They get it. They go there willing and they sit and think about what they have done and they respect me and their father. We don’t spank all the time but I do believe spanking is an effective method when done properly.
I am a firm believer of spanking. My daughter who is almist two years old is a well behaved and well manored child. That didn’t come easy. She is like her father and myself and very hard headed. I don’t spank the first 1-3 times I tell her what she is doing is wrong or not to do something. I spank her when she knows it is wrong agter I corrected her a countless amount of times and she does know better but does it just to do it. I do beleive some people do take it too far but not all parents abuse their children.
I have an almost 3 year old daughter and I refuse to spank her I don’t want her to think that every time someone does something she think is wrong she needs to hit them and my daughter knows when she gets upset she screams in her hands.. She is a great kid does she get into trouble yes but she only stands in the corner and she knows not to do it again .. I don’t think you have to physically punish your child there are many other ways to punish them
Like several people have said. There is a right and wrong way to spank a child. If your spankings led to emotional and psychological problems, then your parents didn’t do it right. A spanking and abuse are different. A lot of you that are against spankings mentioned that you got spanked and now deal with issues. Then your parents abused you or simply did not explain why you got spanked so you never dully understood why you were getting spabked. Also some children don’t need to be spanked! I never needed a spanking simply because I was naturally more obedient … My daughter on the other hand gets spanked. She is extremely strong willed and is constantly talking back and stepping on my toes (she’s 4!)… We just recently. Got over the spanking phase because she is learning through love and discipline (yes, love and discipline do go hand in hand. Very necessary). I could go on for days on this topic but I must sleep Lol. Eat your heart out trolls.
I was spanked by my mom a child when i acted out. I respect her for if. I treat everyone with respect and kindness. I dont back talk. I dont act better then others. I dont start figjts5like some have posted. I never hit another child or person in general. I never was affected how this post states. It turned me into the person i am today. I spank my child when he acts out or refuses to mind. I dont abuse the power of spanking nor do i abuse my child. We sit down and i explain to him what he did and he hasnt had any repeats. He doesnt act out in any alternative manner to get even. Nor does he disrespect anyone. He is a sweet loving happy child. I pop Him just enough to get his attention as my parents did me. I was put in time out lost items i enjoyed or got spanked when i acted out. Perfectly fine.
All I got to say is I whip all three of my older boys! I am not gonna deal with disrespect nor am I gonna have a bunch of hellians running and nobody else should have to deal with it either. My children love me just as much as I love them. I got whipped as a child and I now understand why. I don’t do drugs, I don’t party, I have my own home (that i raise my kids in) and to this day I DO NOT disrespect the elderly. And my kids are being raised the same way! My children don’t hardly get in trouble because they are well behaved . And yes we have all kinds of fun and have family days and etc. You can raise your kids how you want. In not judging, but my focus is on raising young boy into well respected, well mannered young men, who go far in life and is successful! My children know they can always come to me and they know that you cant always succeed the first time. In my opionion my children are happy and content in their home and I’m raising them right ☺
I spanked each of my children only once, and once was enough. I had told them what they were doing was wrong and if they did it again, they would be spanked. So they tried to see if I would follow through and I did. After that incident, all I ever said was no do not do that or there would be consequences. Each step comes with I love you, but what you are doing is wrong. Remaining calm and stern without the screaming is a must,
Absolutely consistency builds trust between the child and the parent. Beating a child, absolutely not. A pop on the hand worked for me. A spank on the behind without really hurting them because of the padding they have will still get the message across. Also you are right, don’t spank out of anger but out of love for the future of your child. Again beating or abusive hitting of a child especially around the face is in my opinion terrible.
You can also use the time out method, where light spanking might be needed to let them know you will enforce the time out. I believe you that you only had to spank once. Good for you
BS. If my kids have an ounce of my DNA, they’re gonna need a good butt whooping once in a very blue moon. The less kids get spanked,the less discipline they really have. I work at Walmart and I wish I could spank some peoples kids for them. Its necessary sometimes. I love my mom with all my heart. And I agree that that there is a huge difference between spanking and abuse. My momma has whopped me plenty of times, And I appreciate every spanking she’s ever given me. The one thing my mother has NEVER done was abused me. She just raised me the right way.
I give my child a chance to correct her behavior and try to help her correct it. If that doesn’t work, then she does get a spanking. It rarely gets to that point though. My child has better manners than a lot of adults I’ve seen out in public. She says please and thank you and excuse me. I don’t agree with people telling others how they should or should not discipline their children. I also see a lot of comments saying “if you were spanked as a child and think you’re fine, think again”. Who the heck do you think you are telling someone that? You don’t know these people or their parents. Back off.
my parents were married 41 yrs….they raised 3 children that have NEVER been in jail, are NOT drinkers and DON’T do drugs. my brother is a supervisor for a welding shop married for almost 20 yrs, my sister flips houses doing all the work herself and married almost 15 yrs, i am also a supervisor for a major company that spans over 5 states. I personally have never been married but that is my choice…. My brother and sister have both been tested and have ABOVE AVERAGE intelligence. We don’t use our fists to fight our battles, we can all sit down at holidays, weekends or whatever and have conversations with each other. I personally feel that there is a difference in a spanking and all out abuse. I have spanked my children and didn’t think twice….and just so you know here is an example….my daughter and I were walking out of the grocery store. She was about 3. I was holding her hand and carrying a brown bag of groceries. As we come out the door, without any warning she let go of my hand and ran out into the path of the cars. I dropped my bag and went running after her. Yes she got 3 spanks across her backside. I also explained why she got the spanking. AND told her how much I love her!! So YES there is a difference!! Say what ever you want NOBODY is going to tell me how to discipline my children. I WILL NOT BURY MY CHILD. Her actions that day deserved it. And if you knew anything about me…you would know that i am constantly EXPLAINING things to my children about why we do things this way or that way. Asking QUESTIONS to them about why we do something one way or another….i make sure i am very active with them!! So NO them getting a spanking to show discipline i don’t believe will harm them in any way like this article talks about!! I think the mental health issues happen because of more then just a SPANKING !!!
Honestly everyone has there own way of parenting … I personally don’t spank my kids…. But I’m not saying I never have. It’s very rare that I do. Spanking is not a bad thing…. Hitting to hurt…. Is a different story. I don’t agree with the belt or any other objects. I was spanked as a child. I turned out fine. Has anyone noticed the hell this world has become? Back in the day you didn’t have to worry about walking down the street and wonder if some psycho is out there…. Now a days u worry… I think more discipline in the world will show people what’s right and wrong and that there is consequences for there actions. Our world has gone to shit cuz people take things to the extreme. And say spanking is abuse. Spanking on the butt is not abuse leaving a mark or hurting your child intentionally is abuse. There is a line between disciplining and abuse. In some cases it’s not ok.
I spank my children, it is very rare that I have to do this because I try other methods first. That is my last resort, but they are two good children and I get compliments on them from other parents so I must not have done bad. They know the lines, just like as an adult I know my lines of things that are acceptable and things that are not acceptable.
The largest problem with these younger generations is the fact parents try to be friends with their kids and treat them them at the same level they do an adult, that is crap. I see this is our schools, the disrespect they have for teachers and kids telling teachers they will tell their parents if their teacher gives them silent snack or no playtime. That is a huge problem that needs to be solved, a large majority of parents let their kids rule and then we have these issues.
There’s definitely a fine line between spanking and just plain abuse. I was ” spanked” as a child but let’s just call it abuse because that’s truly what it was. Because I was spanked and disciplined that way, I obviously parent different. There are so many things to take into account when you talk is spanking bad or good. Do you say abusive things when you spank, I mean if you are against spanking but verbally abusing your child that’s not any better. Do you give yourself a limit of where u will spank and how intense? Do you spank for everything that is considered not behaving ? The list goes on. Do I spank ? Yes. Do I always spank no. Where will I spank my children? Only on their bottoms. I prefer the time out method more than anything else because it’s very effective when done correctly and consistently. But there a definitely times where I will spank depending on the situation. But you know what I found? When I ask my children would you rather me spank your bottom or go in time out to think about what you’ve done? They get it. They go there willing and they sit and think about what they have done and they respect me and their father. We don’t spank all the time but I do believe spanking is an effective method when done properly.
I am a firm believer of spanking. My daughter who is almist two years old is a well behaved and well manored child. That didn’t come easy. She is like her father and myself and very hard headed. I don’t spank the first 1-3 times I tell her what she is doing is wrong or not to do something. I spank her when she knows it is wrong agter I corrected her a countless amount of times and she does know better but does it just to do it. I do beleive some people do take it too far but not all parents abuse their children.
I have an almost 3 year old daughter and I refuse to spank her I don’t want her to think that every time someone does something she think is wrong she needs to hit them and my daughter knows when she gets upset she screams in her hands.. She is a great kid does she get into trouble yes but she only stands in the corner and she knows not to do it again .. I don’t think you have to physically punish your child there are many other ways to punish them
Like several people have said. There is a right and wrong way to spank a child. If your spankings led to emotional and psychological problems, then your parents didn’t do it right. A spanking and abuse are different. A lot of you that are against spankings mentioned that you got spanked and now deal with issues. Then your parents abused you or simply did not explain why you got spanked so you never dully understood why you were getting spabked. Also some children don’t need to be spanked! I never needed a spanking simply because I was naturally more obedient … My daughter on the other hand gets spanked. She is extremely strong willed and is constantly talking back and stepping on my toes (she’s 4!)… We just recently. Got over the spanking phase because she is learning through love and discipline (yes, love and discipline do go hand in hand. Very necessary). I could go on for days on this topic but I must sleep Lol. Eat your heart out trolls.